giving thanks


goodness, i dont even know where to begin. hence, why i am choosing my first post back to be part of the five minute friday blogging party.

all i have is about five minutes.

so please excuse the poor grammar.  also my shift key is broken.

oh friends, it has been too long.

i must apologize for leaving you hanging with my whole nephrostomy tube ordeal.  things got really crazy.  and not a good, busy crazy.  a bad, sick crazy.  which will have to be explained at another time, on another day, when i have much more time and focus.

because currently, my three month old little boy (yes, so big already!) is crying as he is awakened by three screaming crazy little girls who are so tired of being cooped up in our house.

but it is finally spring.  and things are looking up.  i am healing.  the baby is sleeping better.  we are no longer catching fevers or colds.  (well, for the most part on that last one.  my kids will forever have runny noses i believe.)

and i’m giving thanks.

for being here to share with you. i look forward to being back and continuing to share our crazy life, with now four kids under age five.  three girls and one stinking cute little boy.

praying you enjoy your easter weekend.

giving thanks to Him.


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Pregnant with a Nephrostomy Tube & Kidney Stones {Part Three}

We’ve had a busy past few days with appointments, so I apologize for the delay in getting the rest of the story out!  Click here to start at the beginning!

 I’ve labored through and birthed three babies.  And while I did end up getting an epidural with each one, I have had quite a lot of pain experience with labor contractions and pushing a baby out.  The pain I was experiencing this time was 10,000 times worse than anything I had ever experienced.

Excruciating, non-stop pain.  And on top of it, I was vomiting every 5-10 minutes.  Soon I didn’t have anything left in my stomach, so I would switch between dry heaving and stomach acid coming up.

Couldn’t these nurses see how much pain I was in??!!  What in the world was taking so long to get some pain medication?!!

The nurse finally explained that they were unable to give me anything until my urine sample came back.  She thought it was most likely an infection or kidney stones.  Once the sample came back and she talked with the on call OB, then she could go ahead and give me some pain meds.

So, there I sat, rolling back and forth on the bed, trying to somehow manage the pain and vomiting.  Bryan was pretty scared out of his mind and sat in the corner wide eyed, unsure of what to do.  He shuts down when he gets scared and nervous.  So while I would have loved to have him right by me, I understood.  And it’s not like he could have done anything anyways.  I did send him off to ask about the pain medication probably every 10 minutes.

After about an hour of being in the hospital, the nurse had finally gotten the go ahead to give me something for the pain.  However, they first had to put an IV in me.  Why this wasn’t done first thing is beyond me.  I was extremely dehydrated by this point and both nurses were unable to get the IV in.

Anesthesiology was called in to hopefully be able to find a vein and get the IV started.  In walked an old man and my first thought was oh my goodness, this is going to take another thirty minutes!  However, this guy was quick and good and funny.  For the first time since being in the hospital, I felt comforted and at ease.

As soon as the IV was in, the nurse pumped in the drugs and a wave of dizziness swept over me.  But the pain was instantly numbed and I felt such relief.  Praise the Lord, the pain had finally ended.  Or so I thought.

Right after the pain medication was given, I was helped into a wheelchair and taken down to get an ultrasound of the baby and my kidneys.  It was so great to be able to see Jordan again, even though I felt extremely doped up from the drugs.  And I couldn’t stop talking!  I am not even sure what I was saying, but I know I kept rambling on slowly and with a slur.

As I was switching back and forth so the technician could get a good view of everything, I could feel the pain start to come back on my left side.  It quickly became bad again, although not as excruciating as before the drugs.  However, I found myself taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, trying to manage the pain.

When we got back to the labor room, the nurse could see that I was in pain again.  She told me that I would have to wait another hour before I could get any more medication.  I asked if we would be able to up the dosage, but she said probably not because of the baby.

Thus began my “laboring” through the pain.

Once I got my medication, I was good for an hour.  I tried to rest and sleep during that time.  But soon I would be awakened by the pain and have to get up and get into the shower.  I found that the hot water right on my left side helped to alleviate some of the pain I was feeling.  So, I sat in the shower for the next hour until I could receive more pain medication, slowly deep breathing and exhaling, feeling like I was about to birth a baby.

I did this routine for the next 7 hours until the morning.

Check back soon for Part Four! :)

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Pregnant with a Nephrostomy Tube & Kidney Stones {Part Two}

Click here to start at the beginning!

As we were driving to the hospital, I wondered if we were making a bad decision going to the closest one. We had never really been to this hospital and I was worried if something was really wrong with the baby, if this hospital would be able to deal with it.  Such a scary thought.

But like I said, my pain was so incredible and nonstop that I also knew neither Jordan or I could afford to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital we normally use.

When we pulled up to the emergency doors of the hospital, Bryan threw the car in park and came around to help me out of the car.  As we walked through the sliding doors, I fell to the floor crying in pain unable to walk.  It really must have looked like something crazy out of a movie.

Bryan called out for someone to help and a wheelchair was quickly rolled to where I was.  I got in and someone ran me to an elevator.  We headed up to the labor and delivery floor, where the nurses looked at me like I was crazy.  I told them through the pain that this was my fourth baby and this no way felt like early labor or contractions.  Because I knew they were thinking I was being overdramatic.  I told them I was 30 weeks and something was very wrong.

I was so confused why everyone was just staring at me and not rushing to see what was wrong or if my baby was ok.  This deepened my worry that we had made a bad decision in coming to this hospital.

The nurses wheeled me into a labor room and changed me out of my clothes into a gown.  They told me they were going to see if the baby was ok.  This made me a little relieved.  As I laid on the bed in pain, I waited to hear if Jordan was still alive.  Huge waves of relief and thankfulness swept over me as I heard his heart beat steady and strong.

Then the nurse decided to check me to see if I was dialating and in early labor.  After some discomfort, she decided that I definitely was not in early labor.  While this was very good news, I was still rolling and crying out in pain, having no clue what in the world was going on.

Now that I knew Jordan was ok and safe in my belly, I wanted pain medication.  Badly.  Right now.  I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle the pain.

Come back tomorrow to read part three! :)

Click here to continue the story and read part three!

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Pregnant with a Nephrostomy Tube & Kidney Stones {Part One}

As time has gotten closer to baby #4 joining us, I have been busy nesting and doing lots to get ready around the house.  Well, I had been busy.

Before I landed in the hospital last Tuesday with intense pain that ended up with a nephrostomy tube coming out of my left kidney and side, draining my urine into a bag and hopefully being able to pass the kidney stones I have and relieve the pain.

That’s the short version.  Crazy, right?!!

I’ll be a bit quick on the long version and then give you an update on how things are going and where we go from here.

Tuesday, October 30th, I had been really uncomfortable.  I figured it was because I was nearing 30 weeks and getting into that super uncomfy stage that lasts the rest of the pregnancy.  Tuesdays are Bryan’s long day at work and he wouldn’t be home until 9pm the earliest.

The uncomfiness grew as the day wore on so I sent the littlest to bed by 6pm and got into my bed with the other two to watch a movie and rest.  I kept getting up to go the bathroom because I felt like I needed to have a bowel movement but I just sat and sat and grew more uncomfortable by the minute.  I figured maybe Jordan was in a bad spot.

Around 8pm I sent the older girls to bed and decided to take a warm bath, hoping that would alleviate the pressure I was feeling and get Jordan into a better position.  It ended up working (or so I thought) and I spent the next hour feeling really good.  I asked Bryan to pick me up some food since I had been unable to eat earlier.

While he was out getting food, I had the urge to go the bathroom again.  This time, as I sat on the toilet though, the pain really began to creep in.  I thought maybe I was constipated (something I have never been in my whole life) so I asked Bryan to also pick up something to help me, you know, go.

A few minutes later I called him in pain telling him that something was seriously wrong and he should get home now.  I called the birthing center and they called me back.  At this point I was really trying to breathe through the pain.  When asked what it felt like, all I could think of was one big contraction just on my left side, wrapping from my back around to my pelvic area.  And the pain wouldn’t stop.  At all.

I was actually sort of worried that maybe I just had really bad gas and would be embarassed if that’s all it was.  But once I actually started crying from the pain, I knew that it probably wasn’t gas and that something was wrong with Jordan.  The midwife told me to rush to the hospital so I called Bryan’s mother to come over and stay at the house.

When Bryan got home, we jumped in the car and made the 10 minute drive to the closest hospital.  Which felt like forever.  I cried, screamed and moaned the whole entire way.

Since I am no good at doing a quick long version, come back tomorrow to hear what happened next! :)

Click here to read Part Two

Click here to read Part Three

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The Way We Talk to Our Children…

When I saw this quote on Pinterest, it resonated within me like something fierce.  I struggle with the way I talk to my children.  I wish I didn’t, but the truth is that I do.  If I am a absent from the blog, it’s usually because my three littles and the one growing inside me are keeping me busy.  Very busy.

It’s exhausting.

But it’s not an excuse for my impatience and short words.  I often find myself repeating the fruits of the Spirit to myself throughout the day, so I know what my voice should sound like.










What do you want YOUR voice to sound like?

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