Avoiding Monotony in Your Marriage

One of my new favorite family sites is Simple Marriage: Create a Better Marriage by Keeping Things Simple.  There are a variety of writing contributors, both men and women.

This article by Corey got me thinking and encouraged this post.  What Do You Fear Most in Your Marriage?

Whoa, right?  That is one loaded question.

My biggest fear, hands down, would be monotony.  Being that couple that sits in their weekly date night restaurant, staring at everything and everyone except each other… not having anything to say to the other person.

Realizing after the kids are grown up and gone, you both have grown into people that do things beside each other but not with each other.  You have one life, but separate lives.  Am I making sense?

Well, I have voiced this fear to my hubby more than I probably should.  And mainly out of hysterics, not love.

Corey at a Simple Marriage suggests that we should look this fear straight in the face and try to overcome it.  Now.  Not later.  But now.

That got me thinking about ways I can avoid monotony in my marriage now. And here’s what I came up with.

  • Date nights… spontaneous & fun date nights!
  • Take 15 minutes everyday to recap the day & focus on really talking, not doing anything else.
  • A consistent & regular intimate relationship… you know what I mean.  ;)
  • Write down things my hubby says or does throughout the day that shows he loves me.
  • Don’t go to bed angry!  Try to talk through & resolve arguments.
  • Exercise together.
  • Do a study or read a book together & discuss.
  • Take a class together… cooking, woodwork, exercise class, etc.
  • Take pictures together and record your memories.

The list could go on and on.  But I think the main way to avoid monotony in your marriage is to focus on the other person and focus on growing together as one, not two separate individuals.  When you do this, putting your marriage and husband first, you are making a huge investment in creating a lasting relationship!

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Related posts:

  1. Free Marriage Resource
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2 Responses to Avoiding Monotony in Your Marriage

  1. I just came over to your blog today and scrolled down and found this post. I am exactly where you are talking about right now. First child is gone to college, and second is 16 and well, basically self-sufficient. Let’s just say my husband and I have LOTS of time on our hands. On top of the kids, my husband just made a major life change. He gave up the pastorate to become a pastoral counselor. So money is super, super tight. And sometimes it feels we are back where you currently are in that regard. But one thing is clear. We still are madly in love with each other. We will celebrate 25 years this summer. How? I think it is exactly the things you were saying. You have to look for the positive. You have to chose to love each other every day, even when it doesn’t feel good. You have to find ways to be man and wife, not parents. I know that is hard right now, your life is all about your kids, but you have to make time to be you, just you. THen make time to be his wife. Be the girl he fell in love with. We didn’t have lots of money when our kids were young, but we made it a priority to spend one whole night alone once or twice a year! Hello grandparents, and friends. We would put the kids in bed, rent a movie and hold hands. We read books together at night after the kids were in bed. We made it a point to be physical during the day. A smooch here, a hug there, a playful swat there…you get it? It is hard. The main key is never losing sight of who you are as a person and as a couple. And allowing each other to grow and change and be open to change yourself. I don’t know that I have the answers, but I know that I faced that fear, and I am glad I did, because a lot of my friends are sitting across the table now from men they don’t even recognize. How sad! Good luck!!! You can do it!!!

    • Carolyn says:

      Thank you so much for sharing! Very, very, very encouraging!!! It’s so hard to find couples who have been married for 25 years and then even HAPPY couples after 25 years of marriage! Congratulations to you and your hubby!! I know you two must be an incredible example to those around you. I pray that I can write the same thing you just did in 25 years. :)

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